Joe Is in the Hizouse

Hey, Internet peeps.

According to Artemis, there’s sort of a tradition in this house. Once you move in, you have to start posting on this site. Arty said a good way to start would be to tell you a little about myself, so here goes.

I’m Joe. I’ve known Arty for a few years now, and I’m sure you already know that I’m her twins’ baby daddy. That was a full-on Maury Povich situation, huh? Crazy. I mean, it’s bad enough when you don’t know who the father is, but when the other potential daddy might be your own brother, that’s just nuts. Things are cool between Brendan and me, though. I mean, he was pretty trashed at the time. I can’t say I haven’t done some crazy things after a few beers. And Arty and I weren’t really a couple or anything at the time, so whatevs.

So, twins. I thought it was the coolest thing ever when they were born. I mean, I must have some pretty strong swimmers. Not only did they beat Brendan’s to the finish line, but they did it twice. Gold and silver go to Joe.

I love those girls. But twins are a lot of work, especially when there was already another baby in the house (my in-laws’ new kid, Apollo). I mean, Arty’s amazing, and the kids are… well, they’re mine, so that’s something right there. But it’s putting a serious crimp in the partying, know what I mean?

Changing diapers, rocking them to sleep, feeding them… kids are a lot of work. Sebastian and Lakeisha are a lot of help, but they’ve got their hands full with their own little anklebiter and that place they own downtown, Dreams.

I think we could all use a chance to blow off some steam. Hopefully the wedding will be that chance. It’s still a ways off, but I can’t wait. It’s going to be the party of the century. Well, I hope so, anyway. I really need a chance to stretch my legs, chug a few brews, and see my friends. If I have to turn down one more invite to a night out, I’m going to start losing my cool.

“Hello? Yeah, hey dude, how’s it goin’? Oh, man, that sounds like a blast. But I can’t. I have kids, remember? OK, see ya.”

It sucks.